Freak Injury

Not feeling like stopping at the store on the way home for some toilet paper, I asked my girlfriend if i could take a roll of hers home. Seeing as how we're on a TP Exchange program and I'm a few rolls behind, she had no viable reason to deny me although she did agree with a certain air of superiority. (Obviously she must think I'm wasteful with the TP. Hey! Your toilet jams up too easily!)

When 9 am rolled around and it was time to head to my house and my bed (we're both night people, working those late night hours) she was sound asleep and I could not find a plastic sack or anything resembling a bag to "hide" the one roll of toilet paper in. Frankly, I didn't want to walk to the car carrying a roll of toilet paper. (It just doesn't seem right.) I figured that stressful planning and diagramming out how to hide one roll of toilet paper from prying neighborly eyes would prove difficult and cut into my sleep I decided to stuff the roll down into my coat. It did look fairly natural if one stooped over a bit, kept your hands in front of your abdomen, and allowed for others thinking you were surely putting on a few pounds. Slipping on my shoes, I found I had a problem with the left one and was required to bend all the way over to get the shoe over my heel. It was indeed awkward as the toilet paper had shifted now towards my left side. (One would have to allow now for others thinking that your tumor was surely growing.) I had to reach, stretch, contort and uncomfortably work over and around the toilet paper in my coat but did finally succeed in reaching my shoe with my left hand and at the exact moment of satisfaction of getting your shoe comfortably over your heel, I pulled a muscle in my side which still hurts today.

Lesson: Always put your shoes on BEFORE abducting a roll of Charmin.